WRITE YOUR OWN SCRIPT

Growing up, we are all given a script. We rarely realize it, but it is a part of our upbringing from our parents and our church “family.” Scripts give us security and a sense of direction. Mostly, life scripts are a good thing and keep us safe. They are necessary.

FROM PYRAMIDS TO WHEELS

Often we connect with families struggling with the sudden awareness that a family member is LGBTQIA+. This new awareness can be stressful and awkward for all the family members. Feelings and emotions can range in all directions, causing confusion and misunderstandings. It’s more common than many families realize until they suddenly are spinning in their own emotional tornado.

Happy New Year! As this eNews goes out, we are welcoming 2022... a new year and a new slate of possibilities. We have survived a crazy year with unexpected twists and turns. It is a comfort to know we are not alone as we face what is ahead. As a community and individually, we have faced and overcome many challenges. We are survivors. Together, we, LGBTQIA+, families, and supportive allies are strong and have a voice that can be heard around the world. Together, we can make a difference for our community and for those who will come after us.

IT’S CHRISTmust SEASON

Every 365 days we’ve learned to celebrate a truly unknown event—the actual day and location of Christ’s birth. For hundreds of years, biblical and theological archeologists have searched and searched for precise, accurate evidence of when and where our beloved Christ was born. We wish them all well on their valuable searches and look forward to their successful discoveries,…

Of all the words that might be used to describe the year 2021, "survival" is likely among the top 10.

One of the most visited memorials in Washington, D.C., has nothing to do with a president or other public figure. The Vietnam War Memorial honors the more than 59,000 men and women who lost their lives in that conflict between the years 1955 and 1975.

"A Victorious Failure"

BY JERRY MCKAY

After Colin’s unwanted sexual advance, one would think I would have fled Reading. Or, at the very least, pulled Keith, Colin’s colleague, aside and proposed an “I’m asking for a friend” scenario. I didn’t. Instead, I was completely silent. I did not speak to Sharon, Colin’s wife. I continued to interact with friends at Quest as if nothing were amiss. I did not call my parents or reach out to Perry who, of all people, expressed concern about my going to Reading.

As well, in the weeks that followed, I said nothing to a string of visitors. My college roommate Kelvin and his wife visited me. Robert came to Reading in the first week of July. My sister spent a week with me at the end of July. While each interacted with Colin, I was silent about the sexual abuse. In fact, I gave the impression that all was well.

 "Life At Quest Learning Center"

BY JERRY MCKAY

Expecting problems with border security about my stay in the United States, Colin had prepared two letters. The first letter read:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

Many LGBTQ+ folks have celebrated their successful “coming out” to friends and their families. It’s probably a process and event they had thought about and worked on for many months and years. Hopefully, they had created a network of friends and other LGBTQ+ folks that helped them - even coached them - on the scary but desired event. Their understanding and supporting friends were valuable allies for that major and probably emotional time.

Yes, it was a “successful event” for the LGBTQ+ member. They wanted to do it, they needed to do it, and they had their personal courage and friends’ and allies’ support to fall back on to if it didn’t work out as desired.  

Recently I read an article sharing the successful accomplishments a primatologist had made over her lifelong desire and goal to help chimpanzees survive and expand. Early in her career, we had the joy of spending a couple of days with her as she shared with college students and later in two public conferences.

We humans enjoy connecting. We connect with family members on special occasions. Many of us enjoyed the weekly connections with friends at Sabbath services when they were allowed, and we look forward to returning to those times again.

Connecting allows us to catch up on each other’s lives—travels, special occasions, celebrations—or give support to others during stressful times. We get to share new information, maybe new places to visit, learn new information, or give support that someone else needs. That’s how we can enrich someone else’s life and, in turn, have our own lives enriched and improved. Connecting in person is valuable because you can sense each other’s joys and challenges and give hugs and personal responses. In-person, connections are great.   

Today's world is a bit chaotic! A few weeks ago our political world was filled with various discussions, opinions, needs, and desires and gatherings. Our physical world was moving out of wintertime and looking forward to springtime with less snow, tornadoes, and rain, and more wildflowers and wonderful sunsets. Suitcases and hiking backpacks were coming out of their closets getting ready for fun trips, looking forward to cruises, vacations, school proms and graduations, and spring break.

Then suddenly our world changed! Our plans were dampened and some were washed away. The virus arrived and, with it, major changes to our plans, our lives, and our immediate futures.

 A Week at Quest Learning Center

BY JERRY MCKAY

By the end of the first week of September 1982, I had decided to relocate to Pennsylvania for counseling. The first thing I had to do was to call Perry in Japan, because my decision would require his finding a teacher to replace me on short notice. At $3.00 per minute, our call was brief. Perry said that any inconvenience my decision might cause did not concern him. Rather, he was concerned for me. After sharing a few details about my visit with Colin, I thought I had put Perry’s reservations to rest. That was not the case. Two days later, Perry called back.

Perry feared that my life—in fact, my whole identity—would become organized around homosexuality instead of a bigger paradigm—my maleness within a Christian framework. He was concerned that by going to Reading, I would establish and reinforce my identity through a sexual framework by being with and talking to other homosexuals, day in and day out. I thought Perry’s concerns were legitimate, but my ship named “Identity” had already set sail.

Caring words from John & Carolyn Wilt - Family & Friends Coordinators

Reinder Bruinsma has been a Seventh-day Adventist conference president for the Netherlands and for Belgium, General Conference administrator, pastor, and author - among several other things. In what he loosely calls his "retirement" he continues to write, speak to Adventist leadership and laity conferences and, attend other meetings around the world. 

On the weekend of April 20, the Seventh-day Adventist Church’s North American Division (NAD) hosted a workshop that included a select group of church leaders and lay members. The purpose of the workshop was to “participate and preview a new resource (booklet) titled Guiding Families of LGBT+ Loved Ones: Adventist Edition.”

Carolyn and I felt honored and humbled when we were invited to become coordinators of the Kinship Family & Friends activities. We have been loving and supporting members along with our gay son Aric for many years. Unfortunately, he lived in New York City so we didn’t physically attend together.

Over the years of enjoyable participation, we have always felt warmly welcomed but often, after attending a Kampmeeting, we drove away wondering if we had helped the members in any way ... oh we shared great stories ... we laughed and cried over challenging moments ... we all had fun BUT...

by Debbie Widmer, Family and Friends Coordinator

It’s been a busy couple of weeks and it’s not over yet. First was preschool graduation, with those adorable children in miniature caps and gowns waving their hands, unashamedly, at their parents. Next came eighth-grade graduation a week later. These young people tried out their adult looks—awkwardly child-like one moment and boldly confident the next. Today was an academy graduation. These graduates are on the brink of adulthood, making adult decisions about their futures.